I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
