Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
