i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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