Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
