My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
