Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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