I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
