A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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