Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
