Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
