i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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