I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So apparently I’m into choking now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
