FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
