There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
