getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
