You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
