Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
