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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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