Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
