Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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