just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
