he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
