Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
