You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
