Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
