if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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