guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
