these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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