It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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