it wasn't lemon gatorade
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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