Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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