quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
