Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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