"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
