im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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