I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
