I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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