It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
