textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
