I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You pole danced in your parka.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
