is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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