i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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