saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
