there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
