so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
