I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
