Christians are straight up FREAKS
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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