apparently the secret to your success is patron
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
