ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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