Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
