It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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