you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
