my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
ok first of all what the fuck
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
