i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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