Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
