I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
